EXTRACT: "The Mulgravian Connection", chapter 2.

So, a few months ago I tried to write a fairy tale, complete with cutesy made-up names for kingdoms that don't exist.

It quickly became a murder mystery.  It's not done yet, far from it, and I'm taking a break from writing it because the convoluted plot is hurting my brain.

Here's an extract from the second chapter, introducing some of the key characters:

***

King Johan sat down at his desk, in shirtsleeves and a burgundy tie.  He'd barely had time to start reading through a folder dotted with official-looking stamps, including one from the state's intelligence organ, before his furious twenty-four year old daughter burst in without knocking.  She was graceful and comely, with a long face, high cheekbones, crystalline-blue eyes and thick, wheat-coloured hair.  He slapped the classified file shut quickly, bracing for the coming explosion.
"Daddy!  My card was declined this morning!  What did you do?"
An explosion of angst.  "I cancelled it, what else?"
"But why?  Did I do something wrong?"
"Yes."
Lorelei hadn't been expecting that answer.  She harrumphed her way into one of the two cream- and beige-striped silk Fauteuil Louis Quatorze library chairs.  King Johan chuckled.  "Darling, in the last month alone, you've spent nine and a half thousand Coronets on shoes and dresses.  And don't even get me started on the month before."
The princess scuffed the carpet with a manicured toenail, sighing but deciding not to try to talk her way out of the situation.  Despite appearances, her father was a prudent and uncompromising man, and was nobody's fool.  He stroked his short, grey goatee—the same that had earned him the nickname 'Johan Goodfellow' from the press—and leaned back in his chair.  "You've stopped arguing?"
"Yes, Daddy," Lorelei muttered sullenly.
"Good.  So, I'll re-activate your bank card."
"Thank you," she smiled, surprised and pleased at his lack of obstinacy.
"However, you must impose upon yourself a limit of two thousand Coronets per month.  As you know, I have the bank send me a copy of your statement each quarter, so I will know well enough whether you've been sticking to this limit.  Does this sound fair?"
"I guess so."
"You guess so?"
"It is."
"There's a good girl.  You're not a child anymore, and haven't been for some time.  If there are major purchases that need to be made, just let me know in advance.  And I mean emergencies only."
"I understand.  Thank you, Daddy."
"Okay, sweetie.  Was there anything else?"
"No, that was all."
"Okay.  I love you."
She leaned across the desk to kiss his cheek.  "Love you, too, Daddy."

An urbane young man in a crisp, navy blue suit was loitering in one of the sun rooms.  He had fashionably short, brown hair and a neatly trimmed brown Imperial.  "Oh, hello."
"Julius!" the Princess squealed.  "How are you?"
"I'm fine, you?"
"I'm great," she laughed, hugging him tightly.  "I haven't seen you in weeks, what have you been doing?"
Julius chuckled and shrugged.  "Sorry, can't tell you that."
"The usual story."
"Mm-hmm.  What have you been up to?"
"Oh, not a lot.  Hanging about."
"How's Frederic?"
Lorelei gave a small cough.  "Well, you know..."
Julius laughed.  "What, already?  Must be less than two months, huh?"
"I got bored quickly.  He was a one-trick pony."
"Boy, I thought he'd last longer than that.  So, is there anyone new?"
She winked.  "Maybe."
"Of course.  There's always a Mr. Right, and if it turns out to be mistaken identity, then there's always a Mr. Next."
"That's right.  So what if I'm a shameless flirt, if anything you should pity me."
"Oh, I do.  Believe me, dear, I do.  Having to put up with men chasing after you like that, what a terrible way to live."
"Makes it easy to find Mr. Next."
Julius shook his head despairingly.  "Terrible child.  Anyway, get your coat on, we'll go for a walk."

They pressed their noses against the window of the patisserie, gawking as a gigantic Black Forest gateau was lowered delicately into a display cabinet by two sweating bakers, the famous Cröner brothers.  Julius tugged Lorelei by the sleeve, dragging her into the shop.  They burst in through the door and stared at the huge cake.  "Look at that, it looks fantastic," Julius gasped, tugging his scarf away from his neck as the warm air pressed against his face.
"Do you think we should buy it?"
"I don't know, should we?"
The Cröner brothers had stayed at the counter while they waited for—they presumed—a love-struck young couple to make up their minds.  When the two heads appeared over the countertop, the Cröner boys jumped back in delighted shock.  "Princess Lorelei, Prince Julius," the older, jollier brother exclaimed happily, "what an immense pleasure it is to have you in our humble shop.  Welcome, welcome."
"Oh, thank you so much.  You must be the famous Marti Cröner," Lorelei said, beaming a bright smile at the patissier before turning it on his thin, rangy brother, "and you the equally-famous Anders.  The honour is really all ours, my dears."
"Um, this gorgeous Black Forest gateau, how much?"  asked Julius.
"Oh, for the Royal House of Chenonceaux," Anders laughed, "gratis, of course.  Besides, if you get photographed carrying one of our bags and the picture appears in a magazine somewhere, it's like advertising we don't even have to pay for.  'Cröner Brothers Patisserie, favourite of Princess Lorelei of Ord.'  We would make our fortunes through your grace and beauty alone, m'lady."
Julius laughed, not unaware that he was now relegated to Official Chopped Liver.  "You are a pragmatist, sir; I like it.  However, we couldn't take that gorgeous gateau without paying."
He pulled out his wallet and handed across a fifty Coronet note.  "Will this do?"
Anders and Marti laughed.  "For that much, we'll give you two."
Julius smiled, then pretended to hunt through the display.  "Well, that blueberry cheesecake does look good, doesn't it?"
"I hear it's to die for," agreed his sister.
"All right, can we have the cheesecake as well?"
Marti gave a small bow as Anders rushed to fetch a second box for the cheesecake.  "Absolutely, your Highness, no problem at all," Marti beamed.
Once the two cakes were boxed and bagged, the Prince and Princess bade the happy patissiers goodbye and walked away down the high street.  Lorelei, carrying the cheesecake, had a spring in her step and a smile on her face.  Her brother chuckled to himself.  She rounded on him.  "What?"
"You."
"What do you mean, 'you'?"
"The way you flirted with those two.  Shameless."
"Well, we already know that.  Besides, it just scored us two gateaux for the price of one, so I don't see why you should complain."
"True, true."
They passed a news stand, and Julius paused to buy a newspaper.  He tucked it under his arm without reading it.  "For later," he explained.

***

If you like it so far, please comment.  If you don't like it, comment anonymously and bag the shit out of it.  Either way, feedback really is appreciated.  If it eats massive amounts of donkey-cock, let me know asap.